god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
