then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
