Me. At least after what I've been through.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
