You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
