her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
