i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
