please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
