Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
