No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
