I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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