is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
