Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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