chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
