just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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