my mouth tastes like poor choices
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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