walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
