wrigley field is MILF paradise
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
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