I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
