Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
