i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
