Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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