You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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