I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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