I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
