I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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