Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
