I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
