when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
True strength comes from lack of pants
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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