my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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