New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
