I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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