but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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