My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
