forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
