There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
