i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
