brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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