Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
