We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He passed out mid-signature
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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