I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
