dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
