she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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