Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
