My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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