Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
