Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
