Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
