We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
