this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
