Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
false alarm. still invincible.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
