i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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